I was in the car this morning (way too early) and a song came on about the disciples complete willingness to drop everything to follow Christ. "We will abandon it all, for the sake of the call" I started thinking what it would take for me to do what those men did. A LOT is the answer. It turns out I may be a Thomas. I may be a skeptic. If some man came up to me while I was at work doing my own thing, minding my own business and said "Follow me" I would probably call the police. I know myself well enough to know that I would not blindly follow anyone anywhere. I have friends and mentors and family that have been huge influences in my life, that have seen me through struggles, that have stood before me holding a light to show me the path to follow, but I still would question what we were about to do or where we were about to go. These are some good and faithful examples of Christ's love and grace and I have known them for a lifetime, yet I would never think of leaving everything to follow them. So if a complete stranger asked this of me I would be a) terrified I was about to be raped and killed b) miffed about the interruption and c) likely to use a witty reply to make them go away. How did the disciples do this?! Were they that much better a person than I? I have known about Christ for as long as I can remember. I have read the Bible (not cover to cover, though) and been to camps, retreats, workshops, seminars, concerts and regular Sunday services that were completely devoted to Christ's teachings, yet I would still doubt if Christ stood before me.
Thomas catches a lot of undeserving flak in my opinion. Who among us would see someone be crucified, be heartsick and surely scared, hear that that person who died before me was now alive and well and not say 'I'm going to need some proof.' I would! I wish it were differently, but I know in my heart that I would have to say "Lord, if it's you could I see the scars?" I know this to be true, because I do it daily. How many times have I prayed "Lord, if you're listening..." "Lord, if you hear me..." "Lord, if you're there..." ? Of course I believe He's there and His ears work just fine, but there is a small bit of me that is skeptical of Him hearing what I have to say. Please don't misinterpret this as a sign of disbelief or that I am truly an 'unbeliever' at heart wearing a believer's robe. I am merely human and need to see things with my eyes or hear it with my ears. In today's world anyone who follows a human 'lord' around is considered a nut and should be rescued from those foolish thoughts. I can't imagine it was much different then, or the New Testament would be dramatically different and the disciples would have all lived to ripe old ages. I think that today if the Lord stood before me and said 'follow me' there would be doubt. There would be skepticism. There would be wide eyed stares. Mostly I pray that there would be faith.
John 20: 28-29
Thomas said to him, "My Lord, and my God!"
Then Jesus told him, "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed."
