Control Freak

Hi. My name is "Martha" and I'm a control freak.
Today is the WORST day to be a control freak. Today three strange men came to my house and spent eight hours packing everything we own onto a truck to take away for eight months while, dun dunna dun!, my husband leaves for Iraq. It is the worst part of military life.
My sweet husband was given orders a day after my last posting. That gave us 13 days to find a moving company, get that in order, get the house cleaned up, pack a separate 'house' to take with me to Texas, and squeeze extra family time into an already jammed schedule. And his list included meetings and shots! If there was ever a time where my Martha was in over drive, it is now. Funny enough, this is definitely a time for me to practice Mary! I should be kicking back on the couch with him and the baby watching movies and enjoying each other. Instead, the couch is now in a warehouse some where and we are laying on a full size mattress in the middle of an empty living room, and all that is on my mind, well one thing on my mind, is what apartment complex I'll be moving into next week. Ridiculous!
An aspect of Martha I don't think is spotlighted in her story, but I'm sure we share, is to worry. I'm a big time worrier. I'm fairly flexible with most things, but when it comes to the husband and the kid, my rigidness would have sunk the Titanic. I haven't thought much about where he is headed, because I think I would suffocate in my own fear. I can't think about him having to retrain on a weapon because he'll have to carry one around for the next few months, because it would completely paralyze me.
Instead I think about old milk. One day I accidentally took a sip of sour milk, which instantly resulted in spitting over and over again in the sink. That milk had an expiration date, but I didn't see it or probably didn't look at it and had some anyway. In a way, we are like old milk. Each of us has an expiration date. One day we will have out stayed our time here and will die. Who's to say that my time isn't going to run out tomorrow? With that same mind set, who's to say that his number is up in Iraq? He could just as easily get in his truck and drive through our security gates and be hit by a bus. His expiration date is not up to me. I have to trust in God's perfect timing, and can only pray that He will protect him and bring him safely back to us everyday.

Got milk?

Split personalities.

There are two known me-s. Like I said in my previous post, I'm a quick tongued, anger monger sometimes, and other times I'm a docile, loving, caring, creature of niceties. Unfortunately for me, the monger wins out more than I would like to admit. Especially lately. I have been in a funk for a while now. We've skipped a month worth of Chapel, I've only been to Bible study twice this month, and daily devotions haven't happened in... a long time. All of these things separately wouldn't concern me, but when these stars align it seems to be monger magic.
And, hang on to your hats, here's the troubling news: My monger and my niceties have morphed into a very powerful spin off. The newest 'me' is nice enough and doesn't cause waves, but instead calmly talks me out of good and steers me toward more 'practical' conclusions. For example, when my hind end should be up and at the gym, the new me doesn't scoff my previous attempts and plant 'ugly body' seeds like the monger does. Instead it gently tells me 'Hon, it's 5 in the morning. The baby had a rough night so today doesn't look promising. And, oh yeah, it's 20* outside! Just stay in bed and try again tomorrow. If it will help, I'll only drink one Dr. Pepper today, and it will be diet! Okay, maybe two...' See, she's a smooth talker.
I'm a fairly strong person, but the really bad part of all of this is, I'm starting to like her! She makes sense, she seems very level headed, and I agree with her that staying in bed is a better choice. Her lethargy about spiritual choices is more troublesome though. She's not much for Chapel (it's at a weird time of day, it is 1 1/2 hour long, etc), but she doesn't fight going. She doesn't want to go to Bible study, but the break from parenting entices her (that's pretty wrong, huh?). She's interested in doing a devotion, but really where will she find the time?!
She's not all bad. She's not all good, but she's definitely better than the monger. I'm still unsure what to do with her, except of course to let her sleep in. I'm pretty sure that if I don't her counterpart, the monger, will show up and she's much less pleasant!

Lord, help me to do what is right. And please tell me what right is. Amen.