There are two known me-s. Like I said in my previous post, I'm a quick tongued, anger monger sometimes, and other times I'm a docile, loving, caring, creature of niceties. Unfortunately for me, the monger wins out more than I would like to admit. Especially lately. I have been in a funk for a while now. We've skipped a month worth of Chapel, I've only been to Bible study twice this month, and daily devotions haven't happened in... a long time. All of these things separately wouldn't concern me, but when these stars align it seems to be monger magic.
And, hang on to your hats, here's the troubling news: My monger and my niceties have morphed into a very powerful spin off. The newest 'me' is nice enough and doesn't cause waves, but instead calmly talks me out of good and steers me toward more 'practical' conclusions. For example, when my hind end should be up and at the gym, the new me doesn't scoff my previous attempts and plant 'ugly body' seeds like the monger does. Instead it gently tells me 'Hon, it's 5 in the morning. The baby had a rough night so today doesn't look promising. And, oh yeah, it's 20* outside! Just stay in bed and try again tomorrow. If it will help, I'll only drink one Dr. Pepper today, and it will be diet! Okay, maybe two...' See, she's a smooth talker.
I'm a fairly strong person, but the really bad part of all of this is, I'm starting to like her! She makes sense, she seems very level headed, and I agree with her that staying in bed is a better choice. Her lethargy about spiritual choices is more troublesome though. She's not much for Chapel (it's at a weird time of day, it is 1 1/2 hour long, etc), but she doesn't fight going. She doesn't want to go to Bible study, but the break from parenting entices her (that's pretty wrong, huh?). She's interested in doing a devotion, but really where will she find the time?!
She's not all bad. She's not all good, but she's definitely better than the monger. I'm still unsure what to do with her, except of course to let her sleep in. I'm pretty sure that if I don't her counterpart, the monger, will show up and she's much less pleasant!
Lord, help me to do what is right. And please tell me what right is. Amen.
2 comments:
Ahhh, sweet Kasey! I so appreciate your candid honesty! Paul talks about this very thing in Roman's 7:15-29 (New Living Translation) "I really don't understand myself at all, for I really want to do what is right, but I don't do it. Instead, I do the very things I hate....Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord."
Keep it real, hon! And keep taking it to the Father! Love you!
"My gracious favor is all you need. My power works best in your weakness." 2 Cor. 12:9 (NLT)
I was actually reading a chapter in a book last night that was inspired by that text. In fact it's what inspired me to do this particular post!
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