Be still my heart

After weeks of three-night-a-week practice I should know eating Mexican for lunch and pretzels for dinner is a bad call! My heart rate was way up tonight for an entire two hours. While some of you out there are saying 'That's a good thing! You're working hard and burning calories!' I'm saying "AAAHHH! I CAN'T BREATHE!" Add in the humidity of the night and I was not only sweating through my clothes, but panting as well. Attractive, I know.
More than that though, I am having to remind my heart not to break. Lately I've been a tad more emotional than I thought I would be at this stage in the game. Tears fill my eyes as I write this post, and it's only because I know the one that my heart is longing for. I miss my husband. That's probably the understatement of the year. I miss my best friend, my partner, my parenting break, my garbage taker outer. There are so many things that he did that I didn't even realize he did them because I hated them. He took care of the garbage. He cleaned the bathroom. He drove me everywhere! I didn't realize that I prefer to be passenger, until I didn't have a choice. I am currently having to make a lot of big decisions for us, some that I never imagined he wouldn't be here for, and I hate doing it. I never thought I would pick out our first house without him. I mean I knew the final decision would technically be made by me, seeing as how I'll be there all the time and he doesn't know/understand/care about floor plans, or paint color, or drapery. But at least he would be going on tours with me, and pointing out the things I miss. At least I wouldn't be alone. In all honesty, I really hate it the most for him. I would love for him to be there to pick out his first house! He has worked so hard and been so economically smart for 9 years for this chapter in life and he's going to miss walking in to somewhere and going 'Yep. This is home.' And he's so graciously given me free reign to go and do this. There are so many things that I love about him, but his heart for me, his giving, caring, gentle heart for me is definitely at the top.
I miss my husband. I miss my best friend.