Anxious.

I have lived the past 7 years of my life trying to devoid it of any anxiety. I know things in the military are never in stone. We aren't moving until the truck shows up, he's not leaving until orders are cut, and he's not home until boots are on the ground. These are all rules I have set for myself to lessen my anxious soul. While I can recite the rules in my sleep, my heart right now is becoming more and more anxious with each passing second. We are no longer counting by months!
I haven't heard my husband's voice in nearly a week. We haven't chatted on Facebook since Thursday. I've gotten two strange messages from him over the weekend, and he's been on the computer much more lately than he normally is. He is saying that communication is delayed or down there right now, and maybe that's true, but my restless self keeps hoping it's all a smoke screen and he'll be on the porch any minute. I keep looking at the door expecting to see something, to see my someone. Is that crazy? I try to keep my emotions in check a lot of the time. I've told you before I'm known as mean, so I try to keep most scathing thoughts and remarks to myself. I've tried to become more complacent, where I used to be fiery. I try to be still when I'm used to constant motion. I try to be patient when it goes against everything in me. Now I am trying to remember my rules while my stomach ties itself in knots. It's definitely harder to practice this the closer we get and the less we are able to communicate. I don't want to make myself crazier than I am doomed to be. Be still my heart, and be quick my calendar!